An article by Lovefraud.com with our full story, what we know so far...

Please follow the link and read the story done on Tom...and all the investigating Donna Anderson did on him.

http://www.lovefraud.com/2015/06/15/tom-guida-aka-tom-gatto-fake-psychologist-fake-special-forces-fake-brain-cancer-patient-is-charged-with-bigamy/

Update: More Victims, Court Date and the Mindf*ck that is "Tom"

It’s been about ten weeks since all of the women found each other.

During this time, I think its fair to say that regardless of the type of relationship we had with “Tom” and where are our lives are now, we have gone through a range of emotions.  There have been times that all of us have had to just take a break and times we’ve needed more questions answered.  Times with a surge of new info and times of quiet.

I have been so impressed with these amazingly strong women, the heart we all share for a few common goals, and how we have given each other the space we’ve needed at times.  We are always making sure everyone is okay.  This is a lot…but it’s our life.

It’s overwhelming to know some segment of your life could realistically be made into a Lifetime movie.  It’s something people joke about, but it is really true this time.  We are working with a reporter who is writing our story for an international publication and even she is amazed at the gravity of what “Tom Guida” is capable of, layer upon layer of deceit and fraud.

When I say that, it is a good time to bring up that the list of victims keeps growing and we know it will grow immensely once the story is public.  You see, his co-workers just found us and they are shocked.  He was so good at his fake career…he missed his calling as an actor, apparently.

When “Tom” wasn’t out saving the world with the Marines or FBI (which never happened), he was practicing as a Mental Health professional in some regard.  Sometimes he was a program supervisor only requiring him to have a masters, sometimes he was doing private therapy, sometimes he went by “Dr” and sometimes he didn’t, but he never had a license. 

So imagine the co-workers surprise to find out he faked it…the NYU degrees plastered on his walls, they were faked (our reporter confirmed NYU has no record of him.)  But beyond faking his education and status, they all talked about how good he was at his job.  More proof that he had the ability to become what he purports to be if only he had tried. 

Several of them also talked about sharing deep and personal experiences with “Tom.”  When they shared these confidences with him, he often shared his own (made up) stories or those of someone close to him.  So similar to how he swooped in to rescue Julia (and thank God for that), he used these same tactics with everyone.  They talked about the wonderful connection and personal advice he gave, the effective treatments he used with the patients, his positive outlook, how easy an employee, how great a supervisor and the fact that he knew so much…the same things that made us women think he was special and eventually fall in love with him. 

It’s a mindf*ck…there is simply no other word for it.  It was interesting watching them go through this process without having any connection to the world in which they knew him.  As they attempted to understand and process all of this new information, I assured them that we’ve been there. 

How is it possible for someone to be so completely amazing without anyone ever figuring out he was faking it?  How could Mental Health professionals be fooled?  How could smart and savvy women be fooled?  That’s the mindf*ck.

It’s nearly impossible to reconcile who he really is with the “Tom” we knew in person.  It’s nearly impossible to reconcile what we think we know about psychopaths, with the psychopath that is “Tom.”

Who he was with his romantic interests and who he was professionally are eerily similar.  There are slight tweaks here and there but overall, many of the same histories, stories and characteristics.  This was validating for us because it just goes to prove that this person is so good at his ‘craft’ that we aren’t just naïve, gullible and love-starved women.

 He became the dream guy and never showed us anything different…he didn’t mistreat us, just like he didn’t mistreat co-workers.  He was the man your mom told you to marry and he was the perfect find for the HR department at any mental health organization. 

Oh and the biggest mindf*ck of all for the co-workers?
They thought he was DEAD!  Did I forget to mention that?  Last they had seen “Tom” was shortly after the end-of-life party that Julia threw him.  They had taken up a collection of $1500-2000 cash to help him during his final weeks fighting that elusive brain tumor and terminal cancer.  Imagine their surprise.

Despite the fact we know ALL of this stuff about him now, legally, it’s hard to get law enforcement to run with this.  We have experienced a lot of passing-of-the-buck, and even when Penny went to file her bigamy charge, there was a “Boys will be boys” attitude. 

Which brings me to tomorrow.  He’s due in court for Bigamy.  Jenny will be there and many of us wonder if “Tom” will actually show up.  But we are hopeful because we know that Jenny will be assigned a prosecutor. We are just praying it is the right person who is going to connect with Jenny, and really hear her, see how huge this is and how “Tom” needs to be off the streets.

Please join us in sending as many positive thoughts her way (at 8:45a on 04.16.15) as possible! 

We know when the story is public…that is likely when law enforcement will not be able to look away…there has to be someone running for office who will hang their hat on this, if nothing else.  I look forward to world beginning to know who he is, but I also worry there will be SO many people who come forward. 

So far, we are only able to gather bits and pieces from 2006-2015, we know there are countless missing people in this story.

There are the other women who have been romanced by him and other wives who never got a divorce.  

There are employers who hired him based on false credentials.  

There are former patients who already were in a fragile place when he treated them, and regardless of how they are doing now, will feel violated. 

 There are other people who had various relationships with him, that gave him money for his fake cancer, who were robbed. 

 And then there is his family, who perhaps have turned a blind eye at times, but knowing how well “Tom” plays his role, will be blown away to find out they love and are related to such a psychopath.  

And there’s YOU, whoever you are reading this post, who was brought here by a google search or a facebook link because you knew him or you are supporting someone who did. 

Hopefully tomorrow is the first start to reclaiming what he took from us in whatever capacity he did. 

“Tom” loved justice, it’s time for us to get ours! 

If you or someone you love has been preyed upon by Tom Guida or Tom Gatto, please reach out and comment below or email us TGExposerGroup@gmail.com

Written by Deb

Deb: The full story on my relationship with Tom

This is my story…a story that must be told.  This is the story of how I became a high-value target for a clever and experienced psychopath.  And before you read further, let me help remove what you think you already know about psychopaths (that they’re all killers and visibly evil) and their victims (are weak, lonely and clueless) and that all their stories are neatly wrapped in a package like a lifetime movie, you’re wrong.  Psychopaths come in as many packages as their victims, and the types of relationships they feed on can be varied as well, everything from that back-stabbing co-worker to the relative that everyone knows is a piece of shit but tolerates because they are afraid of what will happen if they don’t.    

But this is my story and unfortunately, the similar story of countless women, not only across the country, but who were also involved with a psychopath known as Tom Guida or Gatto.

My story began when I got a message through an online dating site.  It went something like this:     “Good afternoon…My name is Tom and I am 41 and just relocated to Raleigh from New York.  I am a psychologist and work for the Government.  I am a Marine Reservist and just returned home from a long deployment in Afghanistan.  I want to meet someone who….”

And within those first three sentences he planted six sinister lies, which I wouldn’t know for months to come.  We swapped a few messages and then, per my normal, I asked him to give me a call.  I consider myself a pretty savvy online dater and quickly request a phone call because I like to make sure I’m talking to someone I might actually want to meet in person.  He called right away and we instantly hit it off.  We kept talking over the next couple of days and arranged to see each other that upcoming weekend. 

One of my mantras about trust is “I would rather trust someone and be wrong, than not trust them and be wrong.”  So even though some elements of Tom seemed almost too good to be true, I kept true to myself and that was to trust unless I could prove otherwise. 

Our first date was really great; we met at a nice restaurant and spent hours talking after dinner.  We had an instant connection, so much so, that someone in the restaurant said “Oh my gosh, you guys must have been together forever…you can just see the love!”  We laughed many times about how surprised she would be to know it was our first date. 

We saw each other again the next two nights, as well.  We abundantly had all the things I look for…conversation, connection and chemistry.  On the second date he told me he was actually a reservist in MARSOC, the special operations part of the Marines.  He said their last deployment was really hard on them because they had lost one of their guys and he didn’t expect they would be deployed overseas again before he retired in 21 months.  He said, since they were reservists, they usually just do short term missions that last 3 days to 3 weeks.  He asked me if I could handle that, along with intermittent travel with his civilian job.  I assured him I could because I am fairly independent, confident and I am not needy at all.

He also explained that his civilian job was with the Critical Incidence Response Group, which when googled, is part of the FBI.  He never told me he was an FBI agent, per se…maybe he thought that would be too unbelievable, or that I wouldn’t figure it out, but by virtue of being a part of CIRG-you are agent.  He said he was the group leader, a forensic psychologist and used some of his military training in counterterrorism within his civilian job.  He knew a lot about terrorism, and actually a lot about everything, and since I had no experience with anyone in today’s military, or a secretive job, I didn’t know how to identify any holes in his story.

The following weekend he had made big plans for us…I bought a new dress and gorgeous, sexy shoes for what promised to be the nicest dates ever.  I was excited.  The morning of the date, I got a text message saying he had been called into work and told to bring a packed bag.  He said they were going to help at the Washington Mudslide (according to the CIRG website, that all fell within their duties) and he apologized profusely.  He said his crazy schedule always got in the way of things when he found someone he really liked and hoped I would understand.  Being a very easy-going person, I actually encouraged him knowing he would be a help to the first responders, assuring him I would be rooting for him from afar and see him when he returned home. 

Only he never did.  From Washington, it was on to Texas and then on to Philly.  While in Philly, he said his Marine Team got activated and then it was one intricate string of lies after another on where he was and what he was doing.  When I would start to get antsy about the unfulfilled promises and cancelled visits, he would assure me they might get to come home soon, “so we can start our life together.”  I never intended to get into a long-distance relationship, but I had somehow found myself in one.

I am a very supportive, understanding and easy-going girlfriend.  I don’t make demands, I’m even-tempered, am always interested in my man’s work and can easily put my man first in the relationship.  Regardless of that, there was never a day in our 8-month relationship that I felt everything he said was true, but the unnerving thing was I could never prove it wasn’t true.  My plan was to validate once we got to spend more time together, only he cleverly made sure that never happened.  Because I am analytical in nature, I would tell myself that it was my brain that had doubts, not my gut.

During our time apart, I have to admit I have never felt such a connection to someone.  There were times, although we were miles apart where we felt what each other felt, communicating on levels I have never communicated with anyone else.  It was during this separation that we really began to love each other.  He was retiring from the Marines in less than two years and I convinced myself that I could handle it in exchange for a lifetime of such multi-leveled communication and love.

Of course there were many times we planned trips to see each other…even times when he claimed he was getting discharged, only to have him call at the last minute and say they had changed his orders…again.  He always made it seem as if he had zero control over his ability to see me because that was just the nature of the marines and the military wives I personally knew, said that is really the way it was for their men.  But in spite of this, HE was so consistent; I never had to wonder if I would hear from him.  Besides a lot of texting, he called every day and we would talk about politics, terrorism, spirituality, psychology, relationships and food…we both loved to cook and ate the same restrictive diet, so we talked about food a lot!

The whole time I lived with the gut-wrenching feeling that he might be married, that he might not be who he said he was.  I googled…often.  Not. One. Thing. Showed. Up.  Ever.   And every time he gave me a snippet of information about his family, his career, his past or his present, I would try to search the internet to see what I could find. 

I haven’t mentioned yet that I knew he lied about his name.  I saw the name on his credit card as Tom Guida, but he had told me his name was Thomas Joseph Gatto.  When I asked him about this, he said the credit card was a fake name they issued him for work.  I googled both names…again, all of the time and still nothing would show up.  Before our first and second date, I even googled how to read someone’s facial expressions to see if they are lying…he passed with flying colors. 

Shortly after I met him I was finishing up training to be a Dating Coach.  According to experts on this sort of psychopathy, the fact I was a Dating Coach and I am independent, not-needy and don’t have family, made me become an irresistible high-value target.  I never could figure out, if he was indeed a con-man, where the payoff lied.  I had educated myself about con-men, narcissists, sociopaths and the likes and it seemed they were always after money or sex.  He portrayed to make more money than me and we hadn’t had sex, nor did we even talk about sex, so I took that as a positive sign that maybe this could all be true.  I now know for some psychopaths, the thrill of pulling off the ruse is what excites them.  As they are able to deceive more and more people, they challenge themselves by finding more challenging targets and since I asked questions from the start, I became even more of a challenge. 

I did see him one other time.  I flew up to Philly and visited him in NJ where he claimed to be stationed out of Ft Dix.  He had about 16 hours of leave, so it was a last minute trip and we stayed in a hotel off base and he had a rental car.  When he went to check into the hotel, I looked for the rental car information…I was looking for clues, both to validate who he was or confirm he was a liar.  But again, I found nothing.  He left me alone in the hotel room twice and again, nothing.

During this visit is when we declared our love.  We had acknowledged many times that we loved each other without really saying it but vowed to wait until we could say it face to face to say it out loud.  It was such a sweet relief to be able to finally say those three little words out loud and to hear it from him as well.  Our love-making felt like a spiritual experience and certainly unlike anything I had experienced before, I thought it was because our connection was so unique. 

The visit went well in many ways, but it was far too short for me to get answers to the growing list of questions I had in my head.  I returned home both excited and a little unsettled.  We promised that we would just do last minute trips in the future even if we only had a few hours together. 

Tom was always kind to me, we never had any disagreements or arguments.  He was sweet, but not overly so, he was supportive, caring, respectful and seemingly sincere.  He made you feel like a better version of yourself and a better person just for knowing him.  He treated all women with respect…to our faces anyway.  The thing he wasn’t…was available.  And eventually, that feeling of being coupled yet alone began to get to me.  By this time I had moved to the city and I wanted to explore it, but being the faithful person I am I didn’t feel right going out when he was hard at work protecting our country. 

I was always very careful who I told about Tom.  There were two reasons for this.  One was I was convinced that it might not be safe for Tom if the general public knew about his secretive jobs.  The other reason was I wasn’t sure it sounded very believable.  I know this should have been a flashing light to me and in some ways it was, but I was still waiting for that illusive proof.  My two best friends…one a married woman and the other a single man both reassured me that his story could be true, after all, someone had these jobs, didn’t they?  My friend who is a therapist also said she had no concerns about his story.  The thing I’ve come to realize about this is that they felt I deserved a man the caliber of the one Tom pretended to be.  They wanted to believe it too, because they want the best for me. 

I also joked many times that I would not condone a client going on such blind faith with a date.  While you might question my credibility as a dating coach, this is both a good example of why it’s good to have someone objective and knowledgeable looking out for you, AND it’s also a reminder that while you are in the midst of emotional, oxytocin-induced situations, you can’t always see clearly. 

It was actually a man I don’t know very well that said “you know your boyfriend is full of shit, right?”  Now, I usually couldn’t trust what Ryan, and admitted player, said any more than I could throw him, but I think I just needed to hear someone say it out loud.  I knew in that instant that what my gut was telling me was true.  Somehow I gave myself permission to not wait for proof and go with my own gut instead of overanalyzing and wanting everything in black and white. 

This was when I pushed Tom for a visit, it was a Sunday and I knew he would have some free time.  He texted that morning with details an impromptu Veterans celebration he had thrown together that morning.  He and his men were going to the VA hospital for “Project Happiness” so there no way he could see me.  He was clever because wouldn’t it be selfish of me to make a demand when he was doing something so ‘noble?’  But I saw completely through his lying scheme and the tactic behind it.

So I decided I would go to the local CIRG office the next day to just ask for him, only I couldn’t find one.  Through a friend of a friend, I found out that FBI agents can arrange verification at their office because it’s common for family and friends to doubt someone is really in the FBI.  I also checked up on other things he had told me about his time in Raleigh, only nothing was panning out. 

I never quite called him a liar, because at this point, I still didn’t really know for sure.  I asked him to arrange a verification at the FBI and he refused.  I explained how I had to go on blind faith with him and I needed something.  I even asked to talk to his sister, which I knew he could possibly fake but I was willing to try it, and he refused that too.  He never got angry, he never gas-lighted me, he never tried to talk me into believing him, he just said it wasn’t possible. 

So I told him I would have no choice but to end our relationship.  He never fought, argued or begged.  He simply stated “I understand.  I wish you ever success and happiness.”

This was my WTF moment!  I think I eloquently replied “wow!”  He said “Goodbye.”  That was it.  I have gone out with men ONE TIME and had them give me a more heartfelt farewell.

My WTF moment truly turned into my AHA moment.  I knew then my gut had been more than right…he was a liar…and almost assuredly a psychopath who had faked everything, including his feelings.  After a day to catch my breath, I put on my own amateur-investigator hat and started digging to see what I could possibly find.  

A simple $1 free trial of Been Verified turned out to be quite helpful.  One reason he didn’t come up before was he lied about his age.  He’s actually 52.  And, although he had told me he had only been married once for five years and had been divorced for five, according to what I could see on this very skeleton report, he was married two times within a short amount of time.   By googling his cell phone number I found where people had the ability to file insurance for him as a therapist, and he had offered his help as a therapist during Hurricane Sandy.  But that was still pretty much it.

I also contacted the Stolen Valor guys and Scott, the Fake Marine investigator, is still investigating him.  My working theory became that he was just in Raleigh for a conference, probably practiced as a therapist at an institution (although he’s not licensed anywhere) and lived with the latest wife in NY or NJ.   I didn’t figure there was a way to prove my theory, nor would it matter much.  I didn’t let myself get stuck on the unanswered questions and actually found him easier to get over than I would have thought…I guess because I really did guard part of my heart until I knew I could believe him.   I moved on.

I had done one other thing.  I had my best friend Holly, send a Facebook message to Jenny.  Jenny was Tom’s wife before last.  Holly simply included a picture of Tom and me and asked if she knew this man. 

We heard nothing…for a few months, anyway.

One Sunday morning, Holly woke up to a Facebook message fromJPenny.  Her reply said most everything we needed to know.  She said she knew this man and he was her husband, married to multiple women, not a marine, not a psychologist and does not have cancer.  Our heads were spinning.

Jenny didn’t know about the “other” folder in your Facebook messages until the night before.  Someone happened to mention it to her and guess what she found?  Not only did she find my message but multiple messages from other women who were also wondering just who Tom Guida really is.  This is how we formed our PTSD Group…Post Tom Stress Disorder. 

As we collectively shared the details of our relationships with Tom, the proof of his lies, and the pain and healing that have happened since, we have learned he was far more disturbed than we ever suspected.  The gist of the lies boil down to this:  he was rejected by the Marines and never got over it.  He never went to real college, never obtained a PhD and therefore could not have legally practice in PA, NJ and NY.  Despite that, several of the women visited him at the places he worked where the name on his door and letterhead read Dr. Tom Guida.   He of course, was never an FBI agent or part of CIRG.  He also claimed with two of the women, shortly after meeting them, that he had an inoperable brain tumor with just months to live, for which they sacrificed time with their family and money in order to take care of him.  He also verifiably has two current wives (he lives with one who is blind to his lies), but we are fairly certain he has at least four.  He is a collector of women, never breaking up with any and certainly never divorces anyone before marrying the next.  Penny is still legally his wife even though she hasn’t seen him since 2009.

The women in our group are strong…we have become fast friends and agree that Tom has great taste in women.  We formed a bond and found a purpose…to help stop Tom from preying on other women.   We are not after retribution, repayment or revenge, but instead wish to help the countless women he has left in his deceitful wake that are suffering in embarrassed silence.  We also hope to support the current wife once the legal consequences catch up to Tom, as well as, help her and Penny get annulments.  We are here to be supportive, find healing together and find a way not to just stop Tom Guida, but to stop as many of the Tom Guida’s out there that we can.

And while I know it was somewhat of a career risk to come forward with my story, I have to be true to myself for several reasons.  One is that I preach and practice authenticity in every aspect of my life.  I just can’t live with having a ‘dirty little secret.’  Another is that I know this experience makes me a better Dating Coach and if anything, helps me see the value of having a coach who will help you see more clearly than you can in the blindness of new love.  Third is that because the nature of online dating is the perfect playing field for predators, we need more education and legislation to help people be more aware and the perpetrators be held accountable.  Lastly, I need to feel the freedom that being open affords me.    

Being open about this makes me feel vulnerable but it also shows you my humanity.  None of us are immune to someone who studies the art of such deceit day in and day out.  The moment we believe we are impenetrable is the moment a predator will realize you have left the window open for them.  

Going forward, you will find this accelerates my goals as a dating coach and also motivates me to work hard on changing the climate of dating.  Sometimes that will be simply by sharing my story and teaching others.  In other ways it will be lending a hand to those who need support after a similar experience.  Lastly, it will be to help and support the passing of new legislation like the “rape by deception” law which will hold accountable people who misrepresent themselves to others in a romantic relationship.   But mostly I did it for me and the gals in my PTTD group…I refuse to be a silent victim when they are so bravely and publicly sharing their own stories. 

Going forward, I plan to stay true to myself by still trusting others…I just won’t let my brain tell my gut to shut up next time…I feel more empowered than ever now that I know how to listen to it! 

And I will stand…stand for those preyed upon. 

I will stand…stand for myself.

 Most of all, I will stand…stand for Truth.  

If you or anyone you know has been victimized by Tom Guida/Gatto, please contact us TGExposeGroup@gmail.com

Julia: How it ended

It was Thanksgiving Day and after we had returned from having thanksgiving dinner at his sister Susan's, Tom had a horrible head ache. We were fussing about how he needed to go to the ER for the headache when the horrible bleeding (from his kidneys) started.  There was blood all over the bathroom on the walls on the tub in the toilet just every where. He refused to go to the ER, said it would be the same thing all over, said it was just nearing the end of his time. Tom said that he would just call (the imaginary) Dr. Patel and have him admit him to hospice.  I could stay there with him at the hotel that way and I wouldn't have to take care of him alone.  Since he was dying (which is why he wanted me to leave my great paying job my family and friends in North Carolina and move to God Forsaken Somerset NJ) and I had been doing all of the care-taking myself. 
 
Anyway I finally calmed him down cleaned everything up and he agreed to ER as long as I promised not to mention he was a DR or that he had cancer. (Huge red flag went off!!!)  "Maybe they will give me a shot of morphine and we will be home in a few hours" he said.  

I called his friend Sandy, then I called his sister and dad... They came immediately.  When we got there his Bp was super high so they admitted him to stay overnight for observation. Susan and I went down for coffee. I said, " Why would God give me such an awesome man just to take him from me like this" (btw he strictly forbade me to ever mention cancer to his family because he said they were in denial.) 

Susan just put her head in her hands and said "oh noooo please tell me he is not doing this to you too'. She said after Jenny he promised to never do it again.  She then told me how he made Jenny move to Raleigh, left her family to follow him on another wild goose chase and back to NJ again, all because of this "cancer."  Well I couldn't stay at the hospital, they made me go home... I took his things and left. 

This is when I reached out to Jenny and found out a lot more. I also had found a birth certificate that said he was 46, he told me he was 38.  I confronted him the next day when I picked him up. 

I was very gentle and understanding. I told him I forgave him for lying and that he has this one chance to clean the plate, to tell me everything, to be honest and make everything right.  But I held on to what Susan had told me and gave the chance to tell me the truth.

He never mentioned the tainted childhood vaccine that his sister had explained kept him from being accepted by the marines.   He also never told me about what he did to Penny and stood firm that he was a marine reservist, a doctor and not married to Jenny.

 I texted Jenny and she started texting him making plans to go out to reconcile and she would forward me the texts.  Tom told me he was texting work  about "work drama" and I told him I was texting my daughters, so we just sat next to each other...both of us txting Jenny, although he had no clue I was in contact with her.  He told Penny he wanted to see her but first he had to "take care of a little problem."  I knew he meant me and it scared me to death. 

I was broke, not a penny to my name because I had given him all of my money...my 5700.00 of savings was gone. Penny brought 50.00 to my hotel and left it at the front desk.  When he left for work I picked it up, packed my car and bolted as fast as I could...back home to North Carolina.

Julia: How I met Tom

On March 18 2009 I lay in my bed, my beautiful Doberman Zoey laying beside me, I had cried so much I was afraid I may even become dehydrated…The bottle of pills open and in my right hand.. the bottle of Vodka in my left hand – no glass, not shot glass.. just the bottle. I began taking the pills one by one… 7 of them were already gone.  

The truest love I had ever known until that point in my life had just walked out the door and into the arms of his old High School Love – She had found him again after all these years thanks to “Myspace” and while I was in the hospital she and he met up again and decided their love was far truer than mine and his… so there I sat in the great big house all alone, with no reason to live.. sad does not seem to cover the grief I was in…I just wanted to die.. I kept thinking, will these pills hurry up and kick in.  

I was just surfing the net, when his email came in….

To be honest, I don’t even remember which cheesy dating site it was that Tom found me on… I just know that he messaged me and told me I was beautiful. I put down the pill bottle and started emailing back and forth with him… I needed this so bad. I needed someone to love me with wild abandon… I just needed to believe someone thought I was special.. and he was a colorful wordsmith.. he spun all the right words in all the right ways in just the perfect timing.. as if he had been waiting his whole life to tell them to me.

He told me he was a Psychologist specializing in Grief and Bereavement. We talked for hours about how the pain of a breakup was far greater than that of a death… He told me how to get over it, how to feel better and he just seemed like he knew exactly what I was feeling and what to say to make it better.

He was magical. He told me how he had been a marine in Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp, how he had been to Iraq for (2) 16 month assignments. How one of his partners had been shot and killed there and he carried his body away from the scene under fire, how he worked in a Hospice with patients teaching them how to cope with death….What an amazing man… so full of adventure and excitement. How could he be so in to me?

We spoke over the phone and thru text for weeks, he was going to be giving a Seminar in Raleigh on April 26, 2009 and wanted to know if I wanted to come meet him afterwards for dinner. I agreed. 

He insisted that he get me a room of my own and we could spend all day Sunday together. When he drove up I had been there for a while.  Nervous? Are you kidding I was shaking like a leaf on a windy evening…But when he drove up next to me.. his blue eyes were like a calming ocean.. his smile was electrifying and he jumped out of the car so excited to see me and wrapped those huge arms around me.. he held me for so long. We pulled away and I was enamored to say the least. 

We stayed up all night, in the lobby mostly, just talking. He took me to the Melting Pot for an amazing meal.. he always talked about “expanding my pallet”. He bought Chianti… I was growing more and more fond of him with every second we knew each other. Wait.. what? I was just in such a deep depression weeks earlier.. I was about to kill myself.. how could I possibly be feeling such strong feelings so soon after.. this was all so weird, I felt in my spirit that things were just not quite right.. but how could I deny his charms.. how could I deny myself the right to feel so good?

Weeks past and he came back to Raleigh again, and then once more… this time he was a bit off. 

He kept running into things, stumbling and complaining of a headache. 

By now were were not in separate rooms. We would spend hours just talking he was amazing. Everything I had ever wanted in someone. He took me to the mall. There was a booth in the middle that had Sterling Silver Rings with Fake Diamonds. I have never been a fan of diamonds (I think the moving Blood Diamonds ruined them for me) I just don’t like to think my beautiful ring may have cost someone their life. I prefer Zirconia or colored stones.. so when he offered to buy this beautiful zirconia set in sterling silver for me I let him! 

How could I have been in love before this day, nothing felt more right than him and I... we went back to the room, I didn’t want to leave him.. but I had to go home. My Zoey needed me to take care of her and I had to work.

He called me that night and was crying… his head was hurting so bad. He could hardly breathe he was in such horrible pain. He said he would have his best friend Dr. Patel to run a cat scan tomorrow and see if he could figure out what was going on with him.. I worried all night what could it be.  

He called me three days later.. (we talked between then) He said, “Julia, I need you to sit down… we need to talk… the test results are in and they are not good..”  I remember exactly where I was.. I remember what I was wearing.. I remember what the weather was like, what time it was…. “It’s Glioblastoma”, I said ok…. What is that… “it’s a brain tumor Honey”, he said. Ok fine, what do we do about it I said…. Oh Honey, there is nothing that can be done.. I have 10-15 mths to live… I have to get my life in order.. I have to start saying goodbye to my friends and family… 

WHAT??? Are you kidding me.. what kind of cruel joke was God pulling on me.. He let my first love walk out on me, leaving me for his ex… and now he sends me Mr. PERFECT and now.. he’s going to die.. are you F’n kidding me…I was so mad at God.. I was mad at the world, I was just mad.. How could this be…

He called me a few days later and said he wanted to ask me for a huge favor but he promised it would have a grand payoff…. I listened…He asked me if I would move there to be with him. To share his last few months of life with him.. to go shopping, to go to fine places to eat, to drive the country side with him and to just share the last few mths doing all the things he never got to do.  

When he passed on he would make sure I was well taken care of there were several insurance policies in place, there was the benefits of being a Marine’s wife.. Especially one of his incredible background. …. WAIT A MINUTE.. Did he just say “marine’s wife?”… Yes Honey I am asking you to marry me, to spend my last few mths as my wife.. Letting me love you with everything I have.

Wow, wow… I mean really.. Wow, how do you answer that?  I needed time.. But “Honey, I don’t have much time”…. May 2009, everything I owned was in my car and I met him in “OUR” hotel in Raleigh.. at first we talked about staying there, he would work at the Hospital or the Hospice (can’t remember) and that way I would be close to my mom and daughter…(funny he didn’t want to move to Charlotte where I lived.. I now know why, I would have been close to my friends and family – they would see thru his life immediately and they could get to me a lot easier if we lived close to them) but then he thought about his Dad and Sister.

He was dying. He couldn’t die in Raleigh, he had to be near them.. Two weeks later, we were in Somerset NJ, where we lived for the next 9 mths…. In an Extended Stay hotel….and that’s how it all started..

Listen to Your Gut!

All of us Ladies realize we should have listened to our gut much sooner than we did.  Learn from our mistakes.  If you have met Tom, while he always treats women well while he's with them, remember you are likely one of many he is maintaining a relationship with and in the process of all of his lies, he has committed a number of crimes.  RUN!

Deb: How I met Tom

I met Tom online, too, just like all of us.  It was March 13th, 2014.  He responded to my profile after it had been up about a week.  I had already been seeing some men I had just met but the second I read his message I was interested more in him than I had been about any of the others.  I was finishing up school towards a new career where psychology is a big part of what I do each day.  So him telling me he was a forensic psychologist was immediately intriguing.

Tom messaged me on a Thursday and told me he was in Virginia getting the rest of his belonging to move here to Raleigh.  He was starting a new job on Monday with the Critical Incidence Response Group (which is a part of the FBI but he never claimed that he was an FBI agent per se.)  He called me as he was "driving" to Raleigh and we had a great conversation.  Being a fairly seasoned online dater, I knew not to get my hopes up too much until I met someone in person.

Tom told me his sister and brother-in-law had followed in their car and were spending the weekend with him.  He texted me and would tell me the cool things they were doing together exploring Raleigh.  He didn't call again until Tuesday but that was to make plans for that weekend to meet.

I lived an hour away from Raleigh at the time and he asked if I would be okay with him getting a hotel in my town so he wouldn't have to go back and forth.  We had made plans with me for both Friday and Saturday evenings.  I did worry about it a little bit and he said "My sister thought you might but I promise its just for convenience and so I can see you as much as I want!"  Something about him telling me his sister explained how it might make me feel somehow made me feel it was innocent.  But, I made sure he knew I wouldn't be going up to his room or anything.

We met at the fanciest place in my town...a Hotel Steak Restaurant.  He was on the phone when I pulled up and he came over to my car and we walked in together.  I remember commenting a few times that he seemed nervous and he said it was just first date jitters.  Later he told me I was disarming, so he made it seem like it was because he liked me so much when it was actually the start of a new web of lies he had to create.

I will interject here that he paid with his credit card that said "Tom Guida" but told me his name was "Tom Gatto."  When I asked him about it a couple of weeks later, he told me it was because of his government job and that he would explain in person how his life worked.  We never had that discussion, but he swore to me several times that the name on the credit card was fake and he had told me the truth, as if he knew what that was, anyway.  

After we finished dinner, we decided to go back to his hotel lobby to talk.  We sat side by side on a couch and we had a genuine connection, although he still seemed nervous.  The connection though, was palpable, so much so that the girl at the hotel desk yelled across the lobby, "You guys must have been together forever...you can tell how in love you are."  That became a joke the rest of the night.  Tom would just say things like "I know, you like politics too, 'because you already love me.'" We laughed about how she would have been surprised to know it was our first date.

We saw each other Saturday night, too.  When leaving the hotel, the receptionist called him by his first name.  I'm still not sure about that.  He had said he had to work all day and that one of his co=workers came and picked him up.  I suppose he told me that in case I saw his car in the parking lot that day (since the job didn't actually exist), but I didn't check up on him...it would have never occured to me to do so.

He did tell me more that night about being in the Reserves.  He told me he was MARSOC which is Marines special ops unit.  He told his unit of 8 men specialized in counter-terrorism and look for lone-wolf terrorists.  He told me there were times he would be called away...usually just for a few days, but rarely longer than 3 weeks for special missons.  He told me his civilian job also required some last minute travel to go to natural disasters or crisis situations.  I remember replying that it was fine with me...I was a big girl and had been on my own a while now and wasn't going to fall apart if he was gone.  I told him I understand how important a mans' work can be to them and I wouldn't stand in the way of that at any time.

He was supposed to go back to Raleigh on Sunday and we were going to maybe see each other during the week if we could work it out, but if not, we would spend the weekend together in Raleigh.  However, he texted me at around 8p on Sunday night and told me he was still in my town.  He said he had gotten called in to handle a situation at the airport and didn't get back in time to check out.  He explained he had just gotten back.  I asked if he would like me to come over for about an hour and he said yes.

This would be the last time I saw him until September. 

We had grand plans for that next weekend.  He was taking me to Flemings Steakhouse, I was going to spend the night with him there, we were going to go to the Farmer's market and then for Tea later.  I was very excited...I had a new dress, new shoes (neither of which I've ever worn even to this day) and had everything arranged for my children so I could be away.

We talked on the phone before bed Friday night and he was all "I can't wait to see you and kiss you tomorrow!"  By 9a the next morning I had the following text:

And so it began...the part where I played the supportive girl back home and he went off to save the world.  Too bad the world didn't know it needed to be saved FROM him instead of BY him.