I met Tom online, too, just like all of us. It was March 13th, 2014. He responded to my profile after it had been up about a week. I had already been seeing some men I had just met but the second I read his message I was interested more in him than I had been about any of the others. I was finishing up school towards a new career where psychology is a big part of what I do each day. So him telling me he was a forensic psychologist was immediately intriguing.
Tom messaged me on a Thursday and told me he was in Virginia getting the rest of his belonging to move here to Raleigh. He was starting a new job on Monday with the Critical Incidence Response Group (which is a part of the FBI but he never claimed that he was an FBI agent per se.) He called me as he was "driving" to Raleigh and we had a great conversation. Being a fairly seasoned online dater, I knew not to get my hopes up too much until I met someone in person.
Tom told me his sister and brother-in-law had followed in their car and were spending the weekend with him. He texted me and would tell me the cool things they were doing together exploring Raleigh. He didn't call again until Tuesday but that was to make plans for that weekend to meet.
I lived an hour away from Raleigh at the time and he asked if I would be okay with him getting a hotel in my town so he wouldn't have to go back and forth. We had made plans with me for both Friday and Saturday evenings. I did worry about it a little bit and he said "My sister thought you might but I promise its just for convenience and so I can see you as much as I want!" Something about him telling me his sister explained how it might make me feel somehow made me feel it was innocent. But, I made sure he knew I wouldn't be going up to his room or anything.
We met at the fanciest place in my town...a Hotel Steak Restaurant. He was on the phone when I pulled up and he came over to my car and we walked in together. I remember commenting a few times that he seemed nervous and he said it was just first date jitters. Later he told me I was disarming, so he made it seem like it was because he liked me so much when it was actually the start of a new web of lies he had to create.
I will interject here that he paid with his credit card that said "Tom Guida" but told me his name was "Tom Gatto." When I asked him about it a couple of weeks later, he told me it was because of his government job and that he would explain in person how his life worked. We never had that discussion, but he swore to me several times that the name on the credit card was fake and he had told me the truth, as if he knew what that was, anyway.
After we finished dinner, we decided to go back to his hotel lobby to talk. We sat side by side on a couch and we had a genuine connection, although he still seemed nervous. The connection though, was palpable, so much so that the girl at the hotel desk yelled across the lobby, "You guys must have been together forever...you can tell how in love you are." That became a joke the rest of the night. Tom would just say things like "I know, you like politics too, 'because you already love me.'" We laughed about how she would have been surprised to know it was our first date.
We saw each other Saturday night, too. When leaving the hotel, the receptionist called him by his first name. I'm still not sure about that. He had said he had to work all day and that one of his co=workers came and picked him up. I suppose he told me that in case I saw his car in the parking lot that day (since the job didn't actually exist), but I didn't check up on him...it would have never occured to me to do so.
He did tell me more that night about being in the Reserves. He told me he was MARSOC which is Marines special ops unit. He told his unit of 8 men specialized in counter-terrorism and look for lone-wolf terrorists. He told me there were times he would be called away...usually just for a few days, but rarely longer than 3 weeks for special missons. He told me his civilian job also required some last minute travel to go to natural disasters or crisis situations. I remember replying that it was fine with me...I was a big girl and had been on my own a while now and wasn't going to fall apart if he was gone. I told him I understand how important a mans' work can be to them and I wouldn't stand in the way of that at any time.
He was supposed to go back to Raleigh on Sunday and we were going to maybe see each other during the week if we could work it out, but if not, we would spend the weekend together in Raleigh. However, he texted me at around 8p on Sunday night and told me he was still in my town. He said he had gotten called in to handle a situation at the airport and didn't get back in time to check out. He explained he had just gotten back. I asked if he would like me to come over for about an hour and he said yes.
This would be the last time I saw him until September.
We had grand plans for that next weekend. He was taking me to Flemings Steakhouse, I was going to spend the night with him there, we were going to go to the Farmer's market and then for Tea later. I was very excited...I had a new dress, new shoes (neither of which I've ever worn even to this day) and had everything arranged for my children so I could be away.
We talked on the phone before bed Friday night and he was all "I can't wait to see you and kiss you tomorrow!" By 9a the next morning I had the following text:
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