Update: More Victims, Court Date and the Mindf*ck that is "Tom"

It’s been about ten weeks since all of the women found each other.

During this time, I think its fair to say that regardless of the type of relationship we had with “Tom” and where are our lives are now, we have gone through a range of emotions.  There have been times that all of us have had to just take a break and times we’ve needed more questions answered.  Times with a surge of new info and times of quiet.

I have been so impressed with these amazingly strong women, the heart we all share for a few common goals, and how we have given each other the space we’ve needed at times.  We are always making sure everyone is okay.  This is a lot…but it’s our life.

It’s overwhelming to know some segment of your life could realistically be made into a Lifetime movie.  It’s something people joke about, but it is really true this time.  We are working with a reporter who is writing our story for an international publication and even she is amazed at the gravity of what “Tom Guida” is capable of, layer upon layer of deceit and fraud.

When I say that, it is a good time to bring up that the list of victims keeps growing and we know it will grow immensely once the story is public.  You see, his co-workers just found us and they are shocked.  He was so good at his fake career…he missed his calling as an actor, apparently.

When “Tom” wasn’t out saving the world with the Marines or FBI (which never happened), he was practicing as a Mental Health professional in some regard.  Sometimes he was a program supervisor only requiring him to have a masters, sometimes he was doing private therapy, sometimes he went by “Dr” and sometimes he didn’t, but he never had a license. 

So imagine the co-workers surprise to find out he faked it…the NYU degrees plastered on his walls, they were faked (our reporter confirmed NYU has no record of him.)  But beyond faking his education and status, they all talked about how good he was at his job.  More proof that he had the ability to become what he purports to be if only he had tried. 

Several of them also talked about sharing deep and personal experiences with “Tom.”  When they shared these confidences with him, he often shared his own (made up) stories or those of someone close to him.  So similar to how he swooped in to rescue Julia (and thank God for that), he used these same tactics with everyone.  They talked about the wonderful connection and personal advice he gave, the effective treatments he used with the patients, his positive outlook, how easy an employee, how great a supervisor and the fact that he knew so much…the same things that made us women think he was special and eventually fall in love with him. 

It’s a mindf*ck…there is simply no other word for it.  It was interesting watching them go through this process without having any connection to the world in which they knew him.  As they attempted to understand and process all of this new information, I assured them that we’ve been there. 

How is it possible for someone to be so completely amazing without anyone ever figuring out he was faking it?  How could Mental Health professionals be fooled?  How could smart and savvy women be fooled?  That’s the mindf*ck.

It’s nearly impossible to reconcile who he really is with the “Tom” we knew in person.  It’s nearly impossible to reconcile what we think we know about psychopaths, with the psychopath that is “Tom.”

Who he was with his romantic interests and who he was professionally are eerily similar.  There are slight tweaks here and there but overall, many of the same histories, stories and characteristics.  This was validating for us because it just goes to prove that this person is so good at his ‘craft’ that we aren’t just naïve, gullible and love-starved women.

 He became the dream guy and never showed us anything different…he didn’t mistreat us, just like he didn’t mistreat co-workers.  He was the man your mom told you to marry and he was the perfect find for the HR department at any mental health organization. 

Oh and the biggest mindf*ck of all for the co-workers?
They thought he was DEAD!  Did I forget to mention that?  Last they had seen “Tom” was shortly after the end-of-life party that Julia threw him.  They had taken up a collection of $1500-2000 cash to help him during his final weeks fighting that elusive brain tumor and terminal cancer.  Imagine their surprise.

Despite the fact we know ALL of this stuff about him now, legally, it’s hard to get law enforcement to run with this.  We have experienced a lot of passing-of-the-buck, and even when Penny went to file her bigamy charge, there was a “Boys will be boys” attitude. 

Which brings me to tomorrow.  He’s due in court for Bigamy.  Jenny will be there and many of us wonder if “Tom” will actually show up.  But we are hopeful because we know that Jenny will be assigned a prosecutor. We are just praying it is the right person who is going to connect with Jenny, and really hear her, see how huge this is and how “Tom” needs to be off the streets.

Please join us in sending as many positive thoughts her way (at 8:45a on 04.16.15) as possible! 

We know when the story is public…that is likely when law enforcement will not be able to look away…there has to be someone running for office who will hang their hat on this, if nothing else.  I look forward to world beginning to know who he is, but I also worry there will be SO many people who come forward. 

So far, we are only able to gather bits and pieces from 2006-2015, we know there are countless missing people in this story.

There are the other women who have been romanced by him and other wives who never got a divorce.  

There are employers who hired him based on false credentials.  

There are former patients who already were in a fragile place when he treated them, and regardless of how they are doing now, will feel violated. 

 There are other people who had various relationships with him, that gave him money for his fake cancer, who were robbed. 

 And then there is his family, who perhaps have turned a blind eye at times, but knowing how well “Tom” plays his role, will be blown away to find out they love and are related to such a psychopath.  

And there’s YOU, whoever you are reading this post, who was brought here by a google search or a facebook link because you knew him or you are supporting someone who did. 

Hopefully tomorrow is the first start to reclaiming what he took from us in whatever capacity he did. 

“Tom” loved justice, it’s time for us to get ours! 

If you or someone you love has been preyed upon by Tom Guida or Tom Gatto, please reach out and comment below or email us TGExposerGroup@gmail.com

Written by Deb

Julia: How I met Tom

On March 18 2009 I lay in my bed, my beautiful Doberman Zoey laying beside me, I had cried so much I was afraid I may even become dehydrated…The bottle of pills open and in my right hand.. the bottle of Vodka in my left hand – no glass, not shot glass.. just the bottle. I began taking the pills one by one… 7 of them were already gone.  

The truest love I had ever known until that point in my life had just walked out the door and into the arms of his old High School Love – She had found him again after all these years thanks to “Myspace” and while I was in the hospital she and he met up again and decided their love was far truer than mine and his… so there I sat in the great big house all alone, with no reason to live.. sad does not seem to cover the grief I was in…I just wanted to die.. I kept thinking, will these pills hurry up and kick in.  

I was just surfing the net, when his email came in….

To be honest, I don’t even remember which cheesy dating site it was that Tom found me on… I just know that he messaged me and told me I was beautiful. I put down the pill bottle and started emailing back and forth with him… I needed this so bad. I needed someone to love me with wild abandon… I just needed to believe someone thought I was special.. and he was a colorful wordsmith.. he spun all the right words in all the right ways in just the perfect timing.. as if he had been waiting his whole life to tell them to me.

He told me he was a Psychologist specializing in Grief and Bereavement. We talked for hours about how the pain of a breakup was far greater than that of a death… He told me how to get over it, how to feel better and he just seemed like he knew exactly what I was feeling and what to say to make it better.

He was magical. He told me how he had been a marine in Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp, how he had been to Iraq for (2) 16 month assignments. How one of his partners had been shot and killed there and he carried his body away from the scene under fire, how he worked in a Hospice with patients teaching them how to cope with death….What an amazing man… so full of adventure and excitement. How could he be so in to me?

We spoke over the phone and thru text for weeks, he was going to be giving a Seminar in Raleigh on April 26, 2009 and wanted to know if I wanted to come meet him afterwards for dinner. I agreed. 

He insisted that he get me a room of my own and we could spend all day Sunday together. When he drove up I had been there for a while.  Nervous? Are you kidding I was shaking like a leaf on a windy evening…But when he drove up next to me.. his blue eyes were like a calming ocean.. his smile was electrifying and he jumped out of the car so excited to see me and wrapped those huge arms around me.. he held me for so long. We pulled away and I was enamored to say the least. 

We stayed up all night, in the lobby mostly, just talking. He took me to the Melting Pot for an amazing meal.. he always talked about “expanding my pallet”. He bought Chianti… I was growing more and more fond of him with every second we knew each other. Wait.. what? I was just in such a deep depression weeks earlier.. I was about to kill myself.. how could I possibly be feeling such strong feelings so soon after.. this was all so weird, I felt in my spirit that things were just not quite right.. but how could I deny his charms.. how could I deny myself the right to feel so good?

Weeks past and he came back to Raleigh again, and then once more… this time he was a bit off. 

He kept running into things, stumbling and complaining of a headache. 

By now were were not in separate rooms. We would spend hours just talking he was amazing. Everything I had ever wanted in someone. He took me to the mall. There was a booth in the middle that had Sterling Silver Rings with Fake Diamonds. I have never been a fan of diamonds (I think the moving Blood Diamonds ruined them for me) I just don’t like to think my beautiful ring may have cost someone their life. I prefer Zirconia or colored stones.. so when he offered to buy this beautiful zirconia set in sterling silver for me I let him! 

How could I have been in love before this day, nothing felt more right than him and I... we went back to the room, I didn’t want to leave him.. but I had to go home. My Zoey needed me to take care of her and I had to work.

He called me that night and was crying… his head was hurting so bad. He could hardly breathe he was in such horrible pain. He said he would have his best friend Dr. Patel to run a cat scan tomorrow and see if he could figure out what was going on with him.. I worried all night what could it be.  

He called me three days later.. (we talked between then) He said, “Julia, I need you to sit down… we need to talk… the test results are in and they are not good..”  I remember exactly where I was.. I remember what I was wearing.. I remember what the weather was like, what time it was…. “It’s Glioblastoma”, I said ok…. What is that… “it’s a brain tumor Honey”, he said. Ok fine, what do we do about it I said…. Oh Honey, there is nothing that can be done.. I have 10-15 mths to live… I have to get my life in order.. I have to start saying goodbye to my friends and family… 

WHAT??? Are you kidding me.. what kind of cruel joke was God pulling on me.. He let my first love walk out on me, leaving me for his ex… and now he sends me Mr. PERFECT and now.. he’s going to die.. are you F’n kidding me…I was so mad at God.. I was mad at the world, I was just mad.. How could this be…

He called me a few days later and said he wanted to ask me for a huge favor but he promised it would have a grand payoff…. I listened…He asked me if I would move there to be with him. To share his last few months of life with him.. to go shopping, to go to fine places to eat, to drive the country side with him and to just share the last few mths doing all the things he never got to do.  

When he passed on he would make sure I was well taken care of there were several insurance policies in place, there was the benefits of being a Marine’s wife.. Especially one of his incredible background. …. WAIT A MINUTE.. Did he just say “marine’s wife?”… Yes Honey I am asking you to marry me, to spend my last few mths as my wife.. Letting me love you with everything I have.

Wow, wow… I mean really.. Wow, how do you answer that?  I needed time.. But “Honey, I don’t have much time”…. May 2009, everything I owned was in my car and I met him in “OUR” hotel in Raleigh.. at first we talked about staying there, he would work at the Hospital or the Hospice (can’t remember) and that way I would be close to my mom and daughter…(funny he didn’t want to move to Charlotte where I lived.. I now know why, I would have been close to my friends and family – they would see thru his life immediately and they could get to me a lot easier if we lived close to them) but then he thought about his Dad and Sister.

He was dying. He couldn’t die in Raleigh, he had to be near them.. Two weeks later, we were in Somerset NJ, where we lived for the next 9 mths…. In an Extended Stay hotel….and that’s how it all started..

Deb: How I met Tom

I met Tom online, too, just like all of us.  It was March 13th, 2014.  He responded to my profile after it had been up about a week.  I had already been seeing some men I had just met but the second I read his message I was interested more in him than I had been about any of the others.  I was finishing up school towards a new career where psychology is a big part of what I do each day.  So him telling me he was a forensic psychologist was immediately intriguing.

Tom messaged me on a Thursday and told me he was in Virginia getting the rest of his belonging to move here to Raleigh.  He was starting a new job on Monday with the Critical Incidence Response Group (which is a part of the FBI but he never claimed that he was an FBI agent per se.)  He called me as he was "driving" to Raleigh and we had a great conversation.  Being a fairly seasoned online dater, I knew not to get my hopes up too much until I met someone in person.

Tom told me his sister and brother-in-law had followed in their car and were spending the weekend with him.  He texted me and would tell me the cool things they were doing together exploring Raleigh.  He didn't call again until Tuesday but that was to make plans for that weekend to meet.

I lived an hour away from Raleigh at the time and he asked if I would be okay with him getting a hotel in my town so he wouldn't have to go back and forth.  We had made plans with me for both Friday and Saturday evenings.  I did worry about it a little bit and he said "My sister thought you might but I promise its just for convenience and so I can see you as much as I want!"  Something about him telling me his sister explained how it might make me feel somehow made me feel it was innocent.  But, I made sure he knew I wouldn't be going up to his room or anything.

We met at the fanciest place in my town...a Hotel Steak Restaurant.  He was on the phone when I pulled up and he came over to my car and we walked in together.  I remember commenting a few times that he seemed nervous and he said it was just first date jitters.  Later he told me I was disarming, so he made it seem like it was because he liked me so much when it was actually the start of a new web of lies he had to create.

I will interject here that he paid with his credit card that said "Tom Guida" but told me his name was "Tom Gatto."  When I asked him about it a couple of weeks later, he told me it was because of his government job and that he would explain in person how his life worked.  We never had that discussion, but he swore to me several times that the name on the credit card was fake and he had told me the truth, as if he knew what that was, anyway.  

After we finished dinner, we decided to go back to his hotel lobby to talk.  We sat side by side on a couch and we had a genuine connection, although he still seemed nervous.  The connection though, was palpable, so much so that the girl at the hotel desk yelled across the lobby, "You guys must have been together forever...you can tell how in love you are."  That became a joke the rest of the night.  Tom would just say things like "I know, you like politics too, 'because you already love me.'" We laughed about how she would have been surprised to know it was our first date.

We saw each other Saturday night, too.  When leaving the hotel, the receptionist called him by his first name.  I'm still not sure about that.  He had said he had to work all day and that one of his co=workers came and picked him up.  I suppose he told me that in case I saw his car in the parking lot that day (since the job didn't actually exist), but I didn't check up on him...it would have never occured to me to do so.

He did tell me more that night about being in the Reserves.  He told me he was MARSOC which is Marines special ops unit.  He told his unit of 8 men specialized in counter-terrorism and look for lone-wolf terrorists.  He told me there were times he would be called away...usually just for a few days, but rarely longer than 3 weeks for special missons.  He told me his civilian job also required some last minute travel to go to natural disasters or crisis situations.  I remember replying that it was fine with me...I was a big girl and had been on my own a while now and wasn't going to fall apart if he was gone.  I told him I understand how important a mans' work can be to them and I wouldn't stand in the way of that at any time.

He was supposed to go back to Raleigh on Sunday and we were going to maybe see each other during the week if we could work it out, but if not, we would spend the weekend together in Raleigh.  However, he texted me at around 8p on Sunday night and told me he was still in my town.  He said he had gotten called in to handle a situation at the airport and didn't get back in time to check out.  He explained he had just gotten back.  I asked if he would like me to come over for about an hour and he said yes.

This would be the last time I saw him until September. 

We had grand plans for that next weekend.  He was taking me to Flemings Steakhouse, I was going to spend the night with him there, we were going to go to the Farmer's market and then for Tea later.  I was very excited...I had a new dress, new shoes (neither of which I've ever worn even to this day) and had everything arranged for my children so I could be away.

We talked on the phone before bed Friday night and he was all "I can't wait to see you and kiss you tomorrow!"  By 9a the next morning I had the following text:

And so it began...the part where I played the supportive girl back home and he went off to save the world.  Too bad the world didn't know it needed to be saved FROM him instead of BY him. 

Jenny: How I met Tom

My name is Jenny. 

I have tried to put this behind me many times, but every time I think I have, a woman contacts me to reminds me how he hurt me and is hurting them. The hurt in the women's voices is heartbreaking. I cant believe he keeps doing this and gets away with it. 

This needs to end. Here is my story. 

I was a single mother of two. I was alone for 4 years desperately searching for love. Since it was so hard to get out and meet people, I started online dating. 

It all started when I saw his profile and sent him a message. We exchanged conversation for a few days and then he disappeared. He told me he was in the Marines and he was going overseas often but didn't warn me he was going away right then. 

Our conversations were so fun and romantic, different than what I had experienced before so I kept waiting for him to appear again. 

Then one day he was online, his location had changed and I inquired about it. He told me he was relocated by the Military. He would now be around NJ and he wanted to see me. We started talking everyday for hours. He would make me smile. He always knew the right things to say. I couldn't talk to him enough. 

Our first date as so romantic. from the moment we first saw each other...the big hug he gave me...to his smile. We met in downtown Freehold, NJ. It is a cute little place that I had not experienced before. He took me to an Italian restaurant, this was my first real date in my life. It was BYOB so he left to run to get wine. 

I felt so special. The night ended with the biggest hug and a nice long kiss. I was so in love. 

After we met I started to drive to see him 3 times a week. It was about 45 minute drive one-way. He lived in an extended stay, with a full kitchen. 

We would go out to dinner at different restaurants, introducing me to different foods. He also loved going to diners, so we would try different diners. All of the dates wonderful and romantic. 

This went on for a few months and then I introduced him to my children. They started coming with me one day a week - I was driving about 4 hours on those days. I didn't care, I was in love. 

He always paid for dates which I thought was wonderful. 

One day he told me he found out he had a cancerous brain tumor and was going to die. He told me it wasn't fair for him to continue to see me and he would understand if I didn't want to anymore. But I loved him and wouldn't think of leaving.

One day he tells me he is getting relocated to NC and could get treatment there for his cancer. I was so in love that after he moved, I drove there 3 weekends out of the month. Then we decided it would be good for me to move to NC. My kids were at their dads for the summer so I packed up all my belonging to move. 

At this point my family and friends thought I was nuts. They all didn't believe what he was telling me, but because I was so in love I didn't listen. I was needed a change - I was at a company that I was ready to leave, anyway. I also was taking out my 401k so I would have money. I moved to North Carolina the weekend of July 4th. 

I was so excited because this was all new and exciting. I was traveling with my daughters guinea pig. I couldn't leave without it. Tom did not like it and actually moved us to another extended stay hotel and paid for room for the guinea pig by itself. I thought it was crazy, but said if he wants to pay for it, oh well. The new place was much nicer. We would go out to eat many times and sit by the pool and the hot tub. It was like a long honeymoon.

This was my start of our life together.

Tom, the Brain Tumor Cancer Patient (minus the brain tumor and cancer)

With Both Jenny and Julia, Tom pretended to be fighting with a brain tumor.  They will share their individual stories soon, but the gist is that not long after meeting him, he told them he couldn't date them anymore because he only had months to live.  Knowing most women wouldn't turn their backs on someone they love, this worked well to get the women to devote themselves to him.

With Jenny, he got her to cash in her 401k and go to North Carolina for a month for 'treatment."  He would disappear all day, not letting her join him at the doctors appointments ever.  She would take care of him while he was ill and prepared her children for his ultimate death.  Their relationship ended once she realized he was lying about this...which you will be able to read when she writes that part of her story.

With Sarah, whom he started dating as soon as he ended it with Penny, he told her a few months later that he was sick in a similar way to Penny.  He moved her to NJ, leaving a job and her family behind to go take care of him and be near his family during his 'final days."  He ended his job (you can see his resignation letter below) to spend his final days with her and Sarah even through a party for him to say goodbye to his coworkers, too.  Those pictures are posted below, as well.  Julia ended it with him much the same way as Jenny which she will share in her story.

The Realization Timeline

Hello...If you have found this blog, I am truly sorry because it likely means someone you love, or you yourself have had some induction into the web of lies that Tom Guida/Gatto has brought to your life.  This blog is written and maintained by a host of women who have fallen prey to this man and are working together to make sure that it doesn't happen to someone else.  We know he is still on the prowl, as well as, maintaining other long-term relationships he is in simultaneously with others.  He is currently married to at least THREE women, possibly four that we know of.  He will marry you but he wont divorce you!

Most of us are using pseudonyms, but our stories are very real.  If you find yourself one of his victims and want to talk to us, please email us at TGExposeGroup@gmail.com.

Here is the timeline we put together at the first of February 2015.  We will add to it as we get better information.

TIMELINE:
1980s Married to Dee in Maryland (may have divorced this one)
2003-2004 Met and spent time with Jen in NJ
????-Married "the Gypsy" in New Orleans she disappeared (this info is from Tom's sister)
2005-Met Jenny in NJ
2006-Married Jenny in March
2009-Jenny said goodbye to him in March, never able to divorce him.
2009-April, Met Julia in NC
2009-Dec, Julia ended it.
2009-Dec, resurfaced with Jen in NJ
2010-Jan/Feb, Met Amber in NJ
2011-July, Married Amber
2011-Nov met Kristin in NC
2012-May, Kristin last saw or heard from Tom
2012-Dec, Jen ended it
2014-Mar, Met Deb
2014-Nov, Deb ended it

He was also married to a friend of his sisters' and we believe they are still married.  This means he is still married to her, the gypsy, Jenny and Amber. He was engaged to both Jen and Sarah.